


It Is As Easy To Choke On Flower Petals As It Is To Choke On Your Own Blood

by TheseusInTheMaze



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, F/M, Guilt, Hanahaki Disease, Hospitals, M/M, Masturbation, Pining, Polyamory, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-05-27 02:49:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15015026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheseusInTheMaze/pseuds/TheseusInTheMaze
Summary: Dan doesn't think much of it when he starts to cough. Until he coughs up the first petal....





	It Is As Easy To Choke On Flower Petals As It Is To Choke On Your Own Blood

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AkaraiMikori](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AkaraiMikori/gifts).



Dan didn't really notice when he started coughing.

It was a pretty light cough at first - he put it down to using his voice too much, and started adding honey to his tea at the end of the night.

But it didn't stop.

If anything, it became worse - he was waking himself up from coughing, and the coughing wasn't... well, to be gross, it wasn't bringing anything up. 

So he kept coughing, and doing his best to treat his voice.

* * *

"Dude," said Arin, when the two of them were sitting on the Grump cough together, knee to knee, "that sounds horrible."

"Gee, thanks," Dan said, after he'd coughed for almost a solid minute. 

"I mean it," said Arin. "You should go to a doctor about it."

"It's just a cough," said Dan. "I'll be fine."

"Your _voice_ is literally how you make money," said Arin, and he was shooting Dan a worried look.

"I'll be fine," Dan said again. "You know me. I'm held together by chewing gum and hope."

"Well," said Arin, "maybe you need a new flavor of gum."

Dan snorted.

"Oh my god," he said, and then he was laughing, and the laughing was mixing in with the coughing, and his heart was... opening, like a flower.

Which was also what he coughed up.

It was a flower petal - a pink rose petal.

It was wrinkled and soggy, but he could smell it almost immediately, as soon as he held it in his hand.

Wait.

Why would he be coughing up flower petals? It wasn't like he'd eaten any rose petals or anything like that.

How could he be coughing them up?

Unless.... 

No.

It didn't work like that. 

He wasn't in some eighteenth century novel - this shit didn't happen these days.

It was probably nothing.

Maybe a little bit of a crush - everyone occasionally got crushes on people, so who cared if it was just a single petal?

That stuff just... happened sometimes.

He crumpled the flower petal up, and he shoved it in his pocket.

He'd be fine.

* * *

Dan slept like the dead, and he dreamed. 

He was lost in an endless field of roses - he was surrounded by them, choking on their perfume.

It was thick enough that he couldn't breathe, thick enough that it was like they were in his head, spreading their petals until the blooms were bigger than his head.

He choked on the stench, on the intensity of it, and he woke up, still smelling roses.

Urgh.

This was... this was something.

Maybe he needed to go to a doctor?

No.

It would go away on its own.

When he'd first gone through puberty, his mom had gotten him a whole book about that kind of thing, and it had mentioned flower petals, once in a blue moon.

It was just one of those things.

He didn't need to worry about it. 

It would be fine.

* * * 

The chest pain started.

or maybe it hadn't started out as chest pain - it might have started out as stomach pain, and he just didn't notice, because, well, when was his stomach ever cooperating?

But the chest pain... that was bad.

That was a specific kind of bad, that he didn't want to think about too hard.

So he didn't.

He kept up his singing and dancing, he kept on Grumping, he kept on touring.

And okay, maybe he was coughing up more flower petals, but... who needed to know that?

He swallowed them, half the time.

He had started to chew more gum, just to hide the smell. 

He could still sing, which was the important part. 

Now, if only he could figure out who it was he was in love with....

* * * 

Dan lay in bed, two months into the whole... rose petal nonsense, and he stared at the ceiling.

He ran through names in his head - all his past girlfriends, his old friends, other women in his life.

But pink roses?

Who would pink roses suit?

Did any of that even matter?

He'd read his share of those stories when he was a kid - he'd been a secret romantic, after all that time.

His parents had always worried about that - about him ending up like this.

His phone buzzed, and he picked it up absently, reading the message without seeing it.

He had gotten a text from Arin, who was asking him if he wanted to get dinner tomorrow. 

He grinned, fired back a response - _Oh yeah! I'll bring some kind of dessert._

And he began to cough again - more pink rose petals spilling over his chest, over his belly, a few of them landing wetly in his lap. 

... no way.

He couldn't be in love with Arin. 

It... it didn't work that way.

Did it?

He groaned, covering his face, and then he went to brush his teeth, to get the cloying taste of roses out of his mouth.

He just had to... keep searching. 

There had to be someone who he cared about like that, who wasn't Arin.

* * *

Suzy texted Dan the next day, and told him exactly what kind of pie to bring.

Arin had given up on whatever new fad diet he had been on - thank fuck - but his stomach was still delicate.

It was, of course, more robust than Dan's stomach, but there were probably paper bags more robust than Dan's stomach. 

He smiled at his phone, his expression fond, and then… he was coughing again.

He as coughing so hard he had to double over, and then more flower petals, only these weren’t pink rose petals - they were… jagged, white on one side and the edges of the other, with a deep, dark black, edging in to purple.

He had no idea what kind of flower it was, but it tasted different from the rose petals as well.

… two different kinds of flower petals?

What did that even mean?

He groaned, and he pressed his hand into his chest.

It was starting to get well and truly painful, but he couldn’t think about that.

He _couldn’t_.

* * *

Dan arrived at Suzy and Arin’s house with a pie.

It was a fruit pie, strawberry rhubarb, and he’d almost been tempted to buy a bouquet of flowers as well, but… no.

He was going to have to look up the black-white-purple flowers he was coughing up now, though - what if they were poisonous?

There were a few old stories about people catching this disease, then growing digitalis, or poppies, and then dying of an overdose.

He was probably overthinking it, come to think of it. 

So he smiled, and he leaned down to kiss Suzy on the cheek, as she hugged him, her head fitting snugly under his chin.

She was just the right size for that, and when he pressed his nose into her hair, he could smell… the beginnings of the flower he’d been coughing up.

Oh, fuck. 

Was he in love with _Suzy_?

Then why pink roses?

“Are you okay, Dan?”

Suzy sounded concerned.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he said.

There was a rumble in his throat, and then he was coughing again, hard, deep coughs.

He more or less shoved the pie at Suzy, and then he pulled his handkerchief out of his pocket - he’d started to carry a handkerchief, now, to keep from spitting rose petals everywhere - and he coughed into it, as more flower petals came pouring out of him.

“Dan,” said Suzy, and she sounded genuinely worried, “Dan, that… that doesn’t sound good.”

“Don’t worry,” Dan said, his voice a croak, and then he cleared his throat, swallowing down more perfumed mush, “I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?”

She didn’t look convinced.

She was shooting him a concerned look, and something in his heart soared.

… and he started coughing again, retching up more black petals, hidden in his handkerchief. 

He took a deep breath, and he smiled at her, and it was a genuine smile. 

He was gibbering on the inside.

He was in love with Suzy.

What was he going to tell Arin?

How was he going to tell Arin?

“Dude,” said Arin, as if summoned by Dan’s thoughts, “you _really_ need to get that looked at.”

He was looking at Dan, his expression full of concern, and Dan started coughing again, as a revelation tried to dawn.

He squashed it, swallowing down more rose petals - already, he could tell the difference between the two flowers.

Oh god.

How could he be in love with both of them?

“Let me make you some tea,” said Suzy, and she was leading him to the kitchen table, sitting him down. 

“I’ll be fine,” Dan protested weakly.

His chest was screaming at him, the kind of agony that one usually associates with swimming deep underwater. 

He was trying to breathe as deep as he could, but he was only getting maybe half the air he actually needed.

‘We’re gonna go to the doctor,” said Arin. 

“We?” 

“I mean, obviously, we’re not in… that kind of situation, obviously,” said Arin, and now he was turning pink.

“You said obviously twice in that sentence,” said Dan, and then Suzy was handing him a glass of water, and he was taking a deep drink of it.

It helped his sore throat, at the very least. 

“Sorry,” said Arin. “I just… I worry about you, you know?”

There was a sharp pain in Dan’s chest, and he sighed, leaning back into his chair.

Something like terror was beginning to climb up his throat.

It had claws, and was almost furred, like a rat.

He could almost taste it.

Maybe that would have been preferable to all the goddamn flowers, truth be told.

He sighed, and he drank his water, as the flowers in his body tried to open up and get closer to those he loved. 

* * *

It was good food.

Of course it was.

Arin made homemade chicken ramen, and they all three sat around and just… were.

They talked, they joked, and Dan could even ignore the pain in his chest, because he was laughing, he was talking, he was just… being, with them.

And then came the pie, and then they were inviting him to sit on the couch with them, to watch a movie, and he sat next to Arin, so that they were thigh to thigh. 

When he was this close to Arin, he could smell Arin's shampoo.

It smelled faintly of roses.

It was probably something that Suzy had chosen for him.

What would it have been like, to lean over, to smell the roses of Arin's shampoo, to kiss Arin with his own mouth, that probably tasted like pie and like flowers.

Fresh flowers. 

Why were they fresh flowers, not rotting from the inside?

His stomach acid should have been breaking it down.

Or maybe he was thinking too deeply into this.

Um.

His heart was beating very loudly in his ears, and he was realizing, out of nowhere, that he was having trouble breathing.

Okay.

Careful breathing.

He had... he had flowers, growing in his lungs, in his guts.

He imagined the systems of roots growing in his lungs, in his gut, little white worms wriggling through him, shot through like some kind of albino veins.

How would that have even work?

Why did it grow in his lungs and his stomach, and not out of the rest of his body?

"Dan?"

Arin's voice was concerned.

Dan glanced over at him. 

"What's up, dude?"

"Are you not enjoying the movie?"

"Oh, uh, it's great," said Dan. "It's great.'

"You've just been staring off into the middle distance for, like... twenty minutes," said Dan. "I don't think you've even blinked."

"No, if he wasn't blinking, his eyeballs would be all scratched up," said Suzy. "That's what happens to zombies."

"In the alternate universe where people become zombies," Dan said, his voice dry.

Suzy snorted, and she reached over, to poke him in the side.

She'd washed her makeup off, and her face looked different, naked.

He wanted to hold her to his chest, tuck his chin on top of her head.

But he _also_ wanted to lean into Arin, feel Arin's big, strong arms wrap around him.

He was hit with another coughing fit, and he grabbed his handkerchief, beginning to cough into it, adding more crumpled, soggy flower petals.

Arin gave him a whack on the back, and he sobbed, coughing up more flower petals, and maybe a little bit of blood.

... that was a new one.

Welp.

He was going to have to do something about this soon.

Fuck. 

Arin's arm was around his middle, and his chest was screaming for air.

Okay.

He needed to get out.

He needed to breathe.

He needed to go home.

"I should... I should head off," he said.

"You sure?" 

Suzy was looking at him, concerned. 

"Yeah," said Dan.

"Are you gonna be okay getting home on your own?"

Arin squeezed Dan's side, but then Arin was standing up, making his way towards the front door, probably faster than was polite.

"I'm not drunk, big cat," said Dan. "Don't worry about it, okay?"

Suzy shot Dan a worried a look. 

"Are you absolutely sure?"

"I'll be fine. I promise. Okay?"

"Okay...," said Suzy, and her expression was still tense. "How about... I know a really good doctor for lung stuff, if that would help."

"I'll definitely check it out," said Dan, and he hugged each of them tightly, taking in the floral, human scent of them.

Suzy kissed his cheek.

"You've been chewing on carnations?"

Her tone was teasing.

"Carnations?"

"Yeah," she said. "You smell like carnations."

That must have been what that other type of flower was.

Maybe there was some kind of symbolism or association, or maybe it was just one of those random things that you end up tripping over.

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, and sometimes carnations and roses grow in your lungs because you're in love with your best friend and their spouse.

He loved both of them.

They were both his best friends.

Oh god.

He was going to... he couldn't ask them that, he was going to have to get surgery, he was going to have to stop having feelings, he was.... 

He was spiraling into a panic attack.

He gave them another hug, and then he was making his way towards his car again.

His heart was hammering in his chest, so hard and fast that he was almost afraid that he was going to have heart attack.

That would be the irony of ironies, wouldn't it? 

He was dying from the plants in his guts, and it was heart that ended up letting up.

He licked his lips, and he started his car.

He could hold the panic attack at least until he got home, right?

Right.

* * *

He ended up having it in his drive way.

But it was close enough, right?

He coughed - coughed and coughed, until he could taste blood, and then he was throwing up out of the door of his car.

Throwing up ramen and pie and flower petals. 

Throwing up so hard that his head was already starting to pound, and his chest ached.

God, how could... how could this be happening?

... he was going to have to do more research on this shit, if for no other reason than to figure out what to do next.

He wasn't going to die from this - people didn't die from it, did they?

You could get it fixed, with surgery. 

* * *

Nobody knew much about the flower disease - "hanahaki" was the common term, if you were in certain circles.

It was thought to be the remnants of the magic that had been gone for a long time. 

You tripped over other magical stuff sometimes - archaeologists pulled great monstrous skeletons out of the ground, or found evidence of some kind of magical fallout.

There were parts of the world that were flat out unsafe to go into, because... well, magical fallout.

And some of that magical fallout was this curse, placed on anyone who had some kind of unrequited love.

What was the origins of it? 

Why would someone want to use that kind of magic in the first place? 

Why the hatred on unrequited love in the first place?

There were so many stories about it, stories that couldn't be true, stories that were weird enough to be true....

Dan closed his laptop, and he leaned back into his pillows, his eyes half shut.

He was tired.

He was tired, and it hurt to breathe, and his chest hurt. 

But… fuck.

Maybe he was overthinking this. 

He needed to do something about this - how could he be a singer, if he couldn’t breathe?

He couldn’t be anything that wasn’t a singer - he couldn’t be anything that wasn’t… him, and he was a singer.

But he was _also_ a person who was best friends with Suzy and Arin, and okay, maybe he was… he was kind of in love with them. 

It was a wrench to admit that - it felt like an actual wrench, a twist in his guts that made the stomach acid rise, then more flower petals - he coughed, hard enough that he saw lights flashing behind his eyes, and it… hurt. 

His head was throbbing, and he tasted flowers and blood.

He hacked them up onto his stomach - iron and perfume, all muddled together on his tongue, a mix of pink and black and red. 

The pink was stained with the red of his blood, and he couldn’t breathe.

It hurt. 

It hurt, his stomach hurt, everything hurt.

He just… lay back, trying to breathe. 

Who was he, that he had flowers growing in his lungs?

What was he going to do with his life, after he had them out?

He couldn’t… he couldn’t tell them.

He was just going to look the grim reality in the face,wasn’t he?

He was going to die.

He was going to die, or he was going to stop caring about his friends, and either of them was some kind of ending. 

He could hear his heart beating. 

Oh god. 

He was so tired. 

What if he just… slept?

If he avoided Arin and Suzy, maybe it’d… stop.

He’d stop loving them.

Was that any different?

If he got the operation, he’d stop caring about them. 

If he avoided them, he could still… care about them, but not.. Not like that. 

… great.

Just avoid his boss/best friend and coworker/best friend.

Of course.

Easiest thing. 

Piece of cake.

He groaned, which devolved into more coughing.

* * *

He avoided Arin, to the best of his ability.

He left texts unanswered. 

He showed up for work, then left.

He avoided making eye contact with Suzy and Arin, when he could, and he… did what he needed to do.

He dreamed of them - he held them in his arms, he kissed them, he pressed them close to him, and he loved them, with every drop of his self.

And then they showed up at his house. 

* * * 

It had been a month.

A lonely, miserable month.

The quality of his Grumping was off.

He knew it. 

The viewers knew it.

And he was coughing harder.

There were buds mixed in with the petals now - tiny rosebuds, like the promise of something special.

The roots were beginning to worm through his stomach - he could almost feel it.

And he was breaking Arin's heart.

But... it was just until the flowers stopped.

He could keep waiting.

He would.

* * * 

"Your phone just buzzed three times," said Brian. "You still ignoring it?"

Dan nodded, and he took a swig of tea, loaded with honey.

"How are you and Arin doing?"

Brian's voice was... deliberately casual.

Dan shot him a look... and then he started coughing again.

This was a bad coughing fit - his shoulders were shaking, and his face was turning red.

He kept the handkerchief over his mouth now, to keep from choking or spitting flower petals.

He'd started to buy red handkerchiefs - they hid the shots of red. 

"Dan," said Brian, and now he was looking... he was looking something.

Dan couldn't entirely understand Brian's face.

"Mmm?"

Dean leaned back into Brian's couch, his eyes shut.

"You left your handkerchief at the studio the other day."

Dan's heart froze.

"How long has it been happening?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Dan said, in his rough, rasping voice.

Brian grabbed for Dan's current handkerchief, which was wet and... well, disgusting. 

It smelled like blood and rotting flowers.

And the flower petals fell out of it.

Brian looked at Dan, and his expression was sad, and it was full of compassion.

... and Dan was coughing again. 

He was curled forward, coughing and coughing and coughing, until he was throwing up. 

Full on throwing up, gross throwing up, from his nose and his mouth, and there was blood and flower petals.

Brian held his hair back, and Dan kept... vomiting onto the floor, a flood of blood and his sandwich, mixed in with shredded pink and black petals. 

When Dan could finally catch his breath, he looked up at Brian. 

"So," said Brian, his tone dry, "you want to try again?" 

"Try what?"

"Whatever excuse you're going to use," said Brian. 

He handed Dan a tissue, and he made a face, looking at the mess on the floor. 

"We're gonna have to clean this up."

"You're remarkably calm for someone who just saw someone else throwing up blood," Dan croaked.

"Oh, I'm screaming inside," said Brian, his tone completely calm. "But I can't do much by being upset right now. I'll probably have a whole break down when I get home."

"Oh," said Dan, and more guilt crashed down onto his head.

Oh god.

He was the worst.

"Dan, you need to go to a doctor," Brian said, and he was helping Dan stand up - he held out a bottle of water to Dan, and Dan took a swig of it.

Urgh.

It cleaned his mouth out a bit.

"I've known this for a while," said Brian, his tone calm. 

"You have?"

"Dan, your breath smells like blood and flowers. You can barely go up a flight of stair, and you're getting even thinner than you were. I know you're trying to be subtle about it, but... you're really not."

Dan sighed.

"I should have - "

"No," said Brian, cutting him off. "What you need to do is tell the person you're in love with how you feel. Or you need to go to a doctor. Or possibly both."

"I thought you didn't believe in hanahaki," Dan said, his voice rough. 

They had been planning to write a song about it, vaguely, but then they'd had a whole argument about it, because Brian was the eternal skeptic.

The little bits of magic that were still poking out through the cracks made him pull his hair out, to the point that he just... didn't acknowledge it. 

But now there was a heap of blood and flower petals on the floor of Dan's kitchen, and Brian couldn't really argue with that.

Dan tried to take a deep breath, and it hurt - shooting pains, all throughout his chest, deep, stabbing pain into his stomach.

He began to cough again, and Brian slapped him on the back.

Dan aimed for the sink, and he threw up some more - stained rose petals, crumpled up carnation petals. 

"It's not full flowers yet, is it?"

"No," said Dan. "I thought you didn't believe in it."

"I mean," said Brian, and his expression was something between sheepish and anxious, "I had to make sure that I knew all of the details, before I proved it was completely wrong." 

“And now?”

Brian shrugged.

“There’s stuff that I can’t explain,” he said. “I might find it off putting, but in a weird way, it is a universal constant.”

“That’s practically poetic,” said Dan. “I didn’t know you had that in you.”

“I am a song writer,” said Brian. “And I did woo my wife.”

“Woo?”

“Indeed.”

Dan sighed, and he took another swig of water.

“You know,” Brian said, “if anyone was going to get a ridiculous poetic disease like something out of a gothic novel, it _would_ be you.”

Dan flipped Brian the bird.

“Although,” Brian continued, “I’ve almost never seen someone with two different types of flowers.”

“I thought you hadn’t seen anyone with it to begin with,” Dan sassed, because he could.

Brian snorted.

“I hadn’t read up on two different types of flowers,” he corrected.

“You know the funny bit?”

Dan was aware of how… resigned he sounded.

How could he be anything else?

“What’s the funny bit?”

“I would have thought that this was the most romantic thing ever, when I was a teenager. Maybe even into my twenties.”

“What, really?”

“Oh yeah,” said Dan. “Unrequited love. It’s super romantic.”

“Are you finding it romantic now?”

“No,” said Dan. “Just… gross.”

“So are you gonna get it fixed?”

Brian was all business now, as he got out a mop from the closet by the entrance to the kitchen.

“Fixed?”

“Yeah,” said Brian. “Fixed.”

“I don’t know how to fix it,” said Dan.

“Really?”

Brian raised an eyebrow.

“I mean,” Dan said, and his voice was still hoarse, “it’s… it’s a lose-lose situation.”

“Who are you in love with?”

“Who do you think?”

“Well,” said Brian, and he leaned against the mop, his expression thoughtful, “I’d be tempted to say it’s me, but I feel like if it was me, it wouldn’t be those particular flowers.”

“No?”

“I don’t really know which flowers would signify me, but probably not pink rose petals. Probably lupines or something like that. Maybe something poisonous.”

Dan snorted.

“You’re not that much of a badass, you know,” he told Brian. “You just like to think you are.”

“So how long have you been in love with Arin?”

Dan began to cough again - he caught his breath, carefully, and just spat the rosebuds into the sink. 

Ew.

He was so sick of the cloying, deep scent, which ate into his whole mind, and left him queasy.

He also was getting thinner - he could see his ribs, the way he could when he was a kid.

“I’m… I don’t really have an argument for that, do I?”

“Not really, no,” said Brian. “It also explains why you’ve been avoiding Arin to the extent that you have been.”

“... it’s not just Arin,” Dan said, and he covered his face with both hands.

“Which would also explain the two different types of petals,” said Brian, in the voice of someone realizing something.

“Yeah,” Dan said. “She’s… black carnations.”

“That’s possibly the most Suzy thing I’ve ever heard,” Brian said, his voice dry.

Dan gave an awkward smile.

“What can I say? I’m cliche.”

“But seriously,” said Brian. “I think you should go to the doctor. If for no other reason than… this isn’t safe.”

“I… I can make myself stop loving them,” Dan said, his voice quiet.

“Has it been working so far?” 

“Well, no,” said Dan, and he made a face. “But maybe I need more time.”

“Dan,” Brian said, and he was using his no nonsense voice, “you can’t just… will your feelings away.”

“I can try.”

“You know it doesn’t work like that.”

“Well, no,” said Dan, “but… if I do that, then… it’ll….”

He made a frustrated noise.

“Hm?”

“How can I… how can I get my feelings for my friends removed? Especially when I’d have to go through the whole surgery, and then it’d be… I don’t know how to deal with that. I don’t know how to… what if it grows back? I mean, that happens sometimes, they pull all the plants out, but then it comes back -”

“Dan,” said Brian, and he almost… sounded man, which was unexpected, “Dan, you are literally coughing up blood. Do you want me to go to the hospital with you?”

“What, like, right now?”

“Dan,” Brian said, in the tone of someone long suffering, “you are literally coughing up blood and flowers.”

“But not full flowers!”

Dan was wheezing.

He could hear it, as his lungs tried to fill and deflate, filled with roots and stems.

"But... it's not full flowers," Dan said, aware just how desperate he sounded. 

But he needed to not make this real.

He needed to not acknowledge this, because if he acknowledged it, the whole mess of it would be real, and he'd have to face the facts.

Face the fact that he was going to have to do something drastic, to change his life and his friendships forever.

How was he supposed to live with that?

How was he supposed to do that?

God, he was dizzy.

Really dizzy.

"Dan," Brian said sharply, and then Brian was grabbing him by the wrist, and he was... being pulled to his front door.

"Where are we going?"

"We're going to get you to the hospital," said Brian. 

"I don't think the hospital can do much to fix me," said Dan.

"At the very least," said Brian, "they can give you something to clear you up, can't they?"

"I don't fuckin' know," said Dan.

"Put your shoes on," said Brian. "Then we can get going."

"Oh," said Dan, and he looked down. 

He was pulling his shoes on like he was on autopilot - that was what he was doing, wasn't it?

He was on full autopilot, as Brian took him outside, put him in the car, and then... he was on his own.

He was breathing, carefully, as they drove.

"You should tell Suzy and Arin," said Brian, his voice quiet.

"But... I don't want to make it weird," said Dan. 

Brian gave him a Look, as they stopped at a light.

"What?"

"Dan," Brian said, and he was talking to Dan as if Dan was very slow, "they are your best friends. They obviously mean a lot to you, if you're literally vomiting up flowers for them."

"Well, yes, but... it's not like they'd ever want to... do anything with me."

"How do you know?"

"Well," said Dan, "they're already married. Like, to each other. Not interested in me in any way."

"Once again, I ask you - have you actually talked to them about it?"

"No," said Dan, and he sighed, huffing some of his hair out of his face, which set off another coughing fit.

Brian wordlessly handed Dan a plastic bag, and Dan... well, Dan threw up into it.

There weren't any full flowers yet - just a whole bunch of flower petals.

"You know, being in a car with you is a bit like being a flower shop where there was just some kind of unpleasant massacre," said Brian, his tone conversational.

"Versus a pleasant massacre?" 

Brian shrugged, as Dan spat out more flower petals.

"You don't know if they're open or not."

"Arin would have told me that."

"You think?"

"I _know_ ," Dan insisted. 

There was some kind of... annoyance on the edge of his mind, at even the idea of Arin keeping something like that from him.

But then again, he'd been hiding the fact that he was dying of flowers in the lungs hadn't come up.

Although maybe the scent of it was more obvious than Dan had thought.

Maybe Arin was just trying to be polite.

Did Arin do that kinda thing that often?

... well, no, but he might have been making the effort for Dan, which was appreciated. 

Goddamn it.

Dan sighed, and he slumped back into his seat.

"So what's gonna happen?"

"What do you mean?"

"At the emergency room, I mean. What's gonna happen?"

"Well," said Brian, "they're probably gonna try to clear out some of the flowers, then tell you to deal with your feelings."

"Who needs dealing with their feelings, when they can die a slow, painful death of suffocation and choking on their own blood?"

Dan was a bit amazed at just how fatalistic he sounded.

He didn't know that he could be that cynical.

Huh.

Maybe this was doing things to him that he needed to be careful of.

He sighed, and he covered his face with both hands. 

"I'm tired," he told Brian.

"I can't blame you," said Brian. "I would be too."

He reached out, and he squeezed Dan's hand.

Dan hesitated, then squeezed Brian's hand back.

"Why are you doing this?"

Dan's own voice was coming from a very far way off."

"Hm?"

"Why are you going to all this effort?"

"... Dan, you're my friend," said Brian, and he sounded faintly insulted. "Why wouldn't I be going to this effort?"

"Because... you know, maybe I should have gone to the doctor myself, or maybe I'm just dumb for feeling like this in the first place, or something like that."

Brian shrugged.

"You can't help your feelings," said Brian. "Maybe you did something wrong at some point and someone with some modicum of magical talent did this to you. Or maybe you passed through some of those magical fallout zones while you were driving through somewhere. Or maybe it's just bad luck, or in your family, or something like that."

"You think?"

Another shrug.

"We're almost at the hospital," Brian told Dan. "Do you want me to go in with you?"

"... please?"

Brian squeezed Dan's fingers, and Dan squeezed back.

* * *

Dan sat in the waiting room, and he tried not to cough.

He'd filled out his forms, and for now, he was just... sitting here, waiting.

It was uncomfortable, and it was embarrassing.

Brian was here, at least.

He didn't know what he would have done, if he didn't have Brian.

Probably die on his kitchen floor, like the protagonist of a particularly dumb romance novel.

The image of himself in a romance novel, complete with the florid descriptions therein, startled a laugh out of him, and he spat out another rosebud.

It wasn't bloody, amazingly enough. 

He was never going to look at flowers the same after this - he was sure of that.

And then... they were calling his name, and he was going into the exam room with Brian, and okay, he was holding Brian's hand, as the two of them sat together.

"Is the smell... is it that strong?"

"Yeah," said Brian. "You reek of flowers. Especially roses, although the carnation is in there, too."

"Why did I have to fall in love with two people?"

"Look at it this way," said Brian. "At least they already know each other, so you don't have to introduce them." 

Dan tried to wrap his head around the idea of _that_ \- "Hi, this is the other person whose love is killing me."

Wow.

"This feels like something out of a really bad gothic novel," said Dan. 

"Did you read a lot of gothic novels?"

"I do like them," Dan admitted. "I like romance, I've told you that." Then he paused. "Shit. Could that be what's causing this?"

"What, that you read a bunch of gothic novels at an impressionable age?"

"Yeah."

"... no, Dan," said Brian, in a long suffering voice. 

"Are you absolutely sure?"

"Dan," said Brian, "if imbibing too much of some kind of media were real, Arin would have turned into a magical girl ten years ago."

"... I can't argue with that," said Dan, and he smiled again.

"You really love him, don't you?"

Brian's voice was calm.

"... yeah," said Dan. "Not being with him... with either of them, all this month, it's been so hard."

"You can't just keep hiding this from them," said Brian. "Even if you weren't in love with them - which you are - you can't just... you can't hide something like this from people who care about you."

"I don't want to hurt them."

"More than pointedly ignoring them for a month?"

"I mean," Dan said, and he heaved a sigh.

... which got him coughing again, and he was vomiting up more flower bits.

Just as the doctor walked into the room.

Well.

"I see," said the doctor, and she was frowning. "Well."

"Well?"

"There are a few options," she said. 

* * *

They pumped his stomach.

It wasn't just his stomach being pumped - they did... something to his chest, something he didn't want to think about, except that there was a tube down his throat, and there was a tube in his nose, and he was gagging and crying around it, as it sucked and sucked.

Brian looked ill, but he stayed with Dan. 

He was... it was... it was horrible. 

It was the most horrible thing Dan had ever felt - the roots being ripped out of him, watching the bloody flower petals, the roots, the stems, the leaves, traveling away, into the machine.

The technician was sympathetic, at least.

And Brian wiped his face.

It took them over an hour to get rid of all of it, but... by the time it was done, Dan had to be woken up.

At some point, he must have fallen asleep.

He was awake, when they pulled the tube out.

It was torture.

"We're going to keep you overnight for observation," the doctor told Dan. 

Dan nodded. 

He could still feel it… sucking. 

It made him want to throw up again, but… there wasn’t any more of that stabbing pain.

“They will grow back,” the doctor said. “We can’t remove the entire root network without operating, or you fulfilling the curse.”

Dan sighed. 

“Thank you,” he croaked.

It hurt.

Everything hurt. 

"Do you want me to stay?"

"I'll be fine," Dan told Brian, although he was lying through his teeth.

"I need to go home, but I'll be back in the morning, alright?"

"Alright," said Dan, and he sagged back against his hospital bed, his eyes shut.

His lungs were gloriously tender, but he still hurt all over, a tender ache, like he'd been beaten all over with a hammer, repeatedly. 

He sighed, and then he was drifting off to sleep.

* * *

Dan woke up with Arin in the chair next to his bed. 

Arin was fiddling with his phone, but he put it down when he saw Dan's eyes flicker open.

"Hi," said Dan, and he couldn't stop the rush of warm feelings that washed over him like a wave.

"Hi," said Arin. 

He looked... well, in all honesty, Dan couldn't really read whatever it was that Arin's face was doing. 

"Brian told me," Arin said, and he was still looking anxious.

"He told you...?"

Shit.

Oh fuck. 

"He said you were in the hospital, and then Suzy, uh... remembered the whole thing about your breath smelling like flowers, and I put two and two together."

"Oh," said Dan.

His stomach was still dropping down into his feet.

He was going to lose his friendship with Arin. 

He was going to lose them, and what was he going to do _then_?

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry, I didn't realize," said Arin. "Were you avoiding us because you didn't want us to know about it?"

"... yes," said Dan. "I'm sorry."

"We both support you," Arin said, his tone earnest.

"... you do?"

"Yeah," said Arin. "Whoever you're in love with... I hope that they can find it in them to love you back."

"Right," said Dan, and his heart fell into his stomach with a sensation that was almost like a splash.

Arin didn't know who Dan was in love with.

That was, in theory, a good thing.

So why was he so disappointed? 

"But... I'm sorry I didn't pick up on it sooner," said Arin. "It was... it was kind of obvious, with the smell of flower petals."

"Right," Dan said. 

"Suzy will be by in a few hours," said Arin, "but... don't worry, okay? I'm not mad at you for avoiding us. I'd have avoided us too."

Dan reached out, not thinking, and he took Arin's hand in his own, squeezing it. 

Arin squeezed back.

"Can you... can you tell me who it is you're in love with?"

"I... give me some time," said Dan. "I'm sorry."

Arin's face fell, but then he put on a smile.

"Don't worry about it," he told Dan. "Just focus on resting up." 

"Right," said Dan, and then his eyes were drooping shut again.

Arin was still holding his hand, and he could, very faintly, taste the pink rose petals on his tongue.

No.

He had those removed.

They would... probably come back, but he could at least enjoy himself for now, right?

* * *

Dan woke up the second time, to find Suzy sitting next to him.

She looked... well, truth be told she looked mad.

Um.

"Hi," said Dan, and he sat up, slowly.

"Hi," said Suzy.

She looked... she looked mad.

Well, more accurately, she looked like she was trying to not look mad.

By now, Dan knew a bit of how to read her face.

Was that one reason he was in love with her?

Oh god.

"I'm... I'm sorry," Dan said. 

Suzy turned to look at him, and she looked... if anything, she looked madder.

"What are you sorry about?"

Her voice was stiff. 

"I'm sorry for... for ignoring you, the past month. For being so rude and mean about it. And I'm sorry for how... for how I didn't say anything."

"You should have done something sooner," said Suzy, and now her voice was choked up. 

Oh god, was she going to start crying, and he couldn't deal with that, he was too... he was too worked up, too sore on the inside, on the outside.

He hated seeing her hurting - he didn't want to see her hurting.

It was selfish of him, but... god, he wanted to hold her in his arms.

"I'm sorry," said Dan.

"I thought... I thought you hated me," sobbed Suzy, and she was holding herself. "I thought I did something to... to hurt you, to make you angry at me. I wanted to ask, but you weren't responding, and you were so cold with Arin when you guys weren't Grumping, and I was just...."

She was crying hard enough that her makeup was beginning to run down her face.

Dan wasn't even thinking, when he leaned out of the hospital bed, wrapping his arms awkwardly around her, trying not to fall off of the bed. 

He rested his chin on her head, and he made soothing noises, rocking her, rubbing her back.

"I'm sorry," he said into the top of her head, as she sobbed into his chest, clutching at the hospital gown. "I'm sorry, Scuze, I'm sorry. I didn't want to scare you, I know... I've been really scared too. I didn't want to... I don't want to lose you as a friend, but I didn't want to scare you, and it's been... it's...."

He was shaking, and he held her to his chest, clutching at her.

And then the door to the hospital room opened, and Arin walked in.

Dan tried to pull away, but Suzy was still holding on.

He met Arin's eyes, and he winced, waiting to be yelled at.

Only for... for Arin to sit on the edge of the bed, open his arms, and then he was holding the both of them.

Suzy pulled back, and she looked... well, she looked like a wreck, truth be told.

Her makeup was an utter mess, and she was sniffling, her eyes red rimming and swollen, her lower lip still wobbling.

He loved her all the more for it, and his heart swelled. 

... he could almost taste the carnations, on the very edge of his tongue.

He bit it back.

They'd fixed it.  
Well… they’d applied a stopgap measure.

It was something, right?

And he could… he could do it.

He could stop loving them, right?

He looked over at Arin’s face, across Suzy’s head, and Arin’s big brown eyes were just… sweet.

Sweet, full of caring.

Dan’s heart skipped a beat, and he tasted flowers again.

Oh god. 

* * *

They pushed the new album back.

They had to, obviously - there was only so much you could do when one half of the singing duo couldn’t sing, since... well, Dan’s throat would be wrecked for a while. 

He did his best, as the two of them held him, and his heart beat so fast that it was trying to escape his chest.

* * *

“Hey, Dan?”

“Mmm?”

Dan stood in the Grump kitchen, drinking a mug of tea.

It was helping soothe his throat.

And he hadn’t coughed up a single petal!

… he had, admittedly, been suppressing a lot of coughs, and okay, the pain in his chest was… possibly coming back, but that wasn’t important.

He was here, with Arin, with Suzy, and they were… they were inviting him over for food, they were making sure he was eating enough… they cared about him, and it was… it was more than he deserved.

But he was getting it anyway.

It was… it was complicated, and it was scary, but god, he was so happy.

Why couldn’t he just be happy with this?

Why couldn’t he be happy being their best friend?

God, he was just… the most selfish person in the world. 

* * *

Arin sat on the Grump couch, and he looked nervous.

He always looked nervous around Dan these days.

“Hey, Dan, can I ask you something?”

“Go for it,” said Dan, and he gave Arin what he hoped was a sincere looking smile. 

“Who are… I mean, obviously, it’s none of my business, but do you think you could tell me… y’know, why you’re growing flowers like that?”

“You know the story,” said Dan, and he took another swig of his tea.

“Well, I mean, I know the, like… the origins of the story,” said Dan. 

“Have you told your parents yet?”

“God no,” said Dan. “I don’t want to worry them.”

Would his parents even understand?

His mother and father, who met in such a… direct way, who loved each other the way the sun rises every morning - with the knowledge they would keep doing it. 

And there was Arin, looking at him, worried.

A cough tried to worm its way out of his throat, and he swallowed thickly, to keep it down.

“Are you going to… I mean, do you know what you’re going to do?”

“I’m… working up the courage to say something,” Dan said, lying through his teeth.

He was… he was probably going to get the operation. 

He’d lose his feelings, but he wouldn’t care about it, right?

But for now… for now, he could at least enjoy the feelings while he had them.

God, he was… he was so in love with Arin.

It wasn’t fair.

It wasn’t fair to either of them - to all three of them.

Why did he have to be in love with them, and not with someone… available?

He groaned, covering his face with both hands.

“What’s up?”

Arin made a sympathetic noise, and he put a hand on Dan’s shoulder.

“I’m just… it’s really complicated,” said Dan.

“You wanna talk about it?”

“When I’ve sorted it out a bit more,” said Dan.

“You keep saying that,” said Arin, “but, like… you’ve only got a given amount of time, you know?”

“I know,” Dan said, and... what the heck?

Was he getting _mad_ at Arin?

How about that?

Maybe that would make the flowers not grow in his lungs.

No, he was still in love with Suzy.

This was too damn complicated.

He thought, for the millionth time, about the imbalance of it - of depending on one person like this, let alone two people.

On the fact that they needed to fall in love with him.

… well, not “needed.”

It wasn’t fair to them, to come to them with a handful of bloody petals and say “love me or lose me,” and he hated that. 

He didn’t want to do that to them, he didn’t want to subject _himself_ to that indignity, and it was just…. 

“Whoever made this curse was a real bastard and a half,” he told Arin, his voice tired.

“I could totally agree with you on that one,” said Arin, and he patted Dan on the arm.

Dan sighed, and he leaned into it, his head on Arin’s shoulder.

Arin rubbed his back, and Dan sighed again… and then began to cough. 

He couldn’t suppress it this time - it was a full on chesty cough, and the roots that were tunneling through his lungs were being pulled as he coughed, and then he was bent nearly double, and he was coughing up… flower petals.

Pink rose petals, all over Arin’s lap, and he was apologizing as he did it, between coughs, but Arin was making concerned noises, rubbing his back, and then Arin was slapping him on the back, and it dislodged a particularly… dense clump of petals, and then Dan was breathing easier, leaning against Arin, his forehead on Arin’s shoulder.

“It’s okay,” Arin said, his voice quiet. “It’s okay. I’m here.”

“I’m scared,” Dan said, _and I’m in love with you,_ he didn’t say, because how could he?

“Do you want to come over tonight? Me and Suze can make you some food. Maybe some mac and cheese?”

“You can’t eat mac and cheese,” Dan said, through his rough throat. 

“... shit,” said Arin. “I keep forgetting that.”

Arin sounded genuinely regretful. 

Which got Dan laughing, and this time there weren’t any petals in his throat, thank fuck.

Maybe he’d broken that flower apart, or… something.

He sighed, and it was a little easier.

Maybe he was getting over Arin after all. 

That would be good.

“I’d be up for mac and... whatever you can put on it that isn’t cheese,” said Dan, and he laughed. 

It was going to be okay.

It was.

* * *

Dan threw up in the Berhow-Hanson bathroom, three hours after eating, and there was half digested food mixed in with the petals.

The scent of stomach acid and flower petals just mixed together, and Dan was sobbing, tears dripping out of his nose, more flower petals on his tongue, dissolving like LSD tabs.

Oh god.

He was… he was going to die from this, if he wasn’t careful.

He was going to have to do something about this, soon.

He sighed, and he spat, and he washed his mouth out, and flushed.

He came back to the living room, and Suzy frowned.

“You were throwing up,” she said, her tone accusatory.

“Sorry,” said Dan.

“Is it growing back already?”

Arin scooted towards the arm of the couch, and Suzy scooted towards the other.

Dan was… stuck.

Sit between them? Or sit on the floor? On the chair next to the couch?

… fuck it.

They were making space for him.

So he sat down, his long body between them, like a thin piece of cheese between two thick slices of bread.

The cuddled up to him, and they put the movie on, and he relaxed into the couch, his eyes sliding shut, and then he was getting comfy, and he was… falling asleep, surrounded by their familiar scents, the taste of carnations and roses heavy on his tongue.

* * *

Dan woke up with Suzy’s head on his chest, his own head on Arin’s shoulder, Arin’s head on top of his. 

The rumbling in his chest was… oh god.

He shook free of the both of them, and he bent forward, coughing, and there were… there were buds and leaves mixed in with the flower petals. 

He was gasping and choking around it, and then he was being whacked on the back, and half a carnation landed on the floor with a soggy “thud.”

There was more coughing, and then a rose, not yet opened, the green around the petals like a closed venus fly trap.

“Dan,” said Suzy, and her voice was sleepy, anxious.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice thick.

“Don’t be,” said Arin, and he was rubbing Dan’s back. “It’s… it’s not like you’re doing it on purpose.”

“Still,” Dan mumbled.

“No still,” Suzy countered, and she was picking up the carnation, heedless of how it was wet with spit. “These look like two different types of flowers.”

“That happens sometimes,” Dan said, and he licked his lips.

“Huh,” said Arin. 

“I should go home,” said Dan. 

“Let me at least drive you,” said Arin.

“I’ll be fine,” Dan insisted. 

“Dude,” said Arin, and he just.. .indicated the pile of flowers on the floor. 

“I could still drive,” Dan said, defensive.

Arin kept looking at him.

“... fine,” said Dan, and he sighed. “Okay.”

Suzy stood up, stretching, and she stood on tiptoe to kiss him on the cheek. 

He leaned into it, and the warmth of her body nearly took his breath away.

God, he had… he had tried so hard not to think of that. 

To think of her body, to think of Arin’s body, to think of them as anything but his friends, but the flowers were growing back already, and what did it matter?

He was going to have to have them taken out - he was going to have to have the surgery, and that meant he’d have to tell them.

That was a sobering thought. 

_I was in love with you, but then I had to stop being in love with you, and now I don’t really have any feelings for you at all._

What if he fell in love with them all over again, and went through with it?

He’d stories about people having that happen, until they just let it take them. 

Would that happen?

It was hard to imagine _not_ being in love with… well, either of them.

He sighed, and he covered his face with both hands, trying to catch his bearings, and then he was pulling his shoes on, and he was… staring down the front of Suzy’s shirt.

Um.

She was on her knees in front of him, lacing up his other shoe.

“With your chest that delicate,” she said, “it’s probably not a good idea for you to lean down like that.”

“Right,” said Dan, and he was digging his thumb into his palm, because… god, he could see her breasts, and he was getting hard, and he couldn’t get hard.

Oh fuck.

After all this time, it had just been… love, pure love, and now here he was, getting a boner over it, and it was just… fuck, how could this be who he was?

Not only was he pining like some kind of ridiculous teenager, and now he was… god, he was just some gross pervert.

He smiled at Suzy, and then he bit back another cough.

The carnation scent in his throat was strong enough that he was possibly going to throw up.

When all of this was over, he never wanted to see another flower, for the rest of his life.

“You okay?”

Arin was shoving his feet into sandals, shrugging on a coat, and Dan watched the curve of Arin’s cheek, the elegant shape of his profile.

And his heart surged, and then there was another burst of coughing, and a rosebud fell out of his mouth.

… which made him laugh, because what if that had been the thing, in Citizen Kane?

Rosebuds, on the lips of his beloved.

“You okay, Dan?”

Arin was repeating himself. 

“Yeah,” sand Dan, and he picked up the rose bud.

It was pink, covered in green, and it was _huge_ \- almost the size of the first joint of his pinky finger.

"That... can't be healthy," said Arin, and he looked anxious.

"You don't say," Dan said, his voice as flat as a pancake.

"Well, yeah," said Arin. "I mean, like...."

Was he blushing?

Huh.

"I'm sorry," said Arin. "I'm...." 

He made a frustrated noise.

"Hm?"

Was Dan... getting annoyed at Arin again?

Huh.

Was that a sign that he was falling out of love with Arin?

Maybe he needed to stop looking for signs behind every rock.

He sighed.

* * * 

Arin hugged Dan, at Dan's front door.

"I'm sorry for all of this," said Arin, into the side of Dan's neck. "I hope you get better soon."

"Thanks," said Dan, and he choked back... something.

His mouth tasted like roses, and Arin's hair smelled faintly like roses, but there was an under scent - something familiar.

Something human.

Musky, deep, and Dan wanted to bury his face into Arin's neck, wanted to kiss Arin on the mouth, wanted to hold Arin to him, wanted to....

Dan had an erection.

Dan had an erection, and he pulled back quickly and shot Arin a nervous smile.

"Okay," said Dan. "I'm... I'm gonna go to bed now."

"Right," said Arin, and he gave Dan a sympathetic smile. "You should... you should talk to them. The person you're in love with. Or people."

"I know," said Dan, and okay, it was a bit like his heart was breaking. 

God, he was... he was hard for Arin, and it wasn't just... it wasn't just love, it was actual arousal, filling his whole body, and his chest was aching, his stomach hurt.

"Night," said Dan, and he tried to give a cool, jaunty wave. 

Arin gave him a slightly odd look, but smiled at him regardless.

"Night," said Arin, and then Arin was getting back into his car, and Dan was going back into his own house.

... Dan would need to get a ride to work tomorrow.

Goddamn it.

He sighed, and he unlocked his front door, kicked off his shoes.

* * *

Dan lay in bed, and he tried to ignore his erection.

If he closed his eyes, he could remember what it was like to hold Suzy up against him, only this time... only this time, they were both naked. 

And then there was Arin against his back, and the both of them pressed Dan between them.

God, what would kissing Suzy be like?

Her lips looked so soft.

... the term "soft as rose petals" floated through his mind, and he gagged. 

In his head, her face... turned to flowers, and he was coughing, he was gagging up onto his chest, more flower petals, florid and thick, too sticky.

He sobbed, and he closed his eyes, and gave up on fighting the fantasy.

If his brain wanted to fuck Suzy and Arin, let him enjoy it.

He was going to enjoy his fantasy, to the best of his ability.

His head was filled with the feel of their bodies, up against his.

Arin's soft belly, Suzy's warm breath on his face....

He was beginning to stroke his cock, slow, easy strokes, practically lazy, and he was panting, throwing his head back, luxuriating in the pleasure.

He let his imagination run wild, because... fuck it.

He didn't really know how to be intimate with another guy - he knew about kissing and blowjobs and anal sex, at least in theory, but... doing it with a guy?

Kissing Arin... there'd be a mustache, there would be... what would there be?

Dan groaned, and he began to stroke himself a little faster, humping his fist harder now, and he was pressing his head back against his pillow, grinding, and he tried not to smell the flowers, tried not to feel the pain in his chest, tried not to hear his own wheezing. 

And then he was cumming - cumming across his own belly, and his cum was mixing in with the flower petals, and it looked like some kind of disgusting aesthetic, like something he'd seen at one art show he'd gone to with a girlfriend, lo those many years ago. 

He shuddered, and he licked his lips, staring down at the mess on his belly.

God, he was _disgusting_.

He shuddered, and then he was sobbing, and he was crying, crying down his face, and he was coughing harder, and he was throwing up more petals, more and more of them, and some of them... some of them didn't look like just clumps of petals anymore. 

They looked almost like the full flowers.

But he couldn't be at the point of throwing up whole flowers anymore, could he?

He was shaking, and he was crying harder.

He needed to... he needed to call a doctor.

He needed to make an appointment.

He couldn't have another stomach pumping - he could only do that so many times, and now he was stuck.

What was he going to do?

How was he going to tell Arin and Suzy that it was for them?

How was he going to do any of this?

Was he overthinking it?

How did you do this kind of thing, anyway?

He groaned, and that brought on more coughing, and there were more flowers on his chest. 

There was a rosebud, beginning to open.

He made an annoyed noise, and he sat up, to grab a tissue to wipe himself off. 

* * *

Dan called in sick to work the next day, and then he called Brian. 

“I need you to help me draft a speech,” he told Brian.

“Why are you writing a speech in the first place?”

Brian sounded tired.

“Because I’m going to have the operation, and I have to tell Arin and Suzy,” said Dan. 

“I still think you should just tell them,” said Brian. 

“Brian,” said Dan, and his voice was rough, and he was wheezing. 

He fancied he could feel the flower heads pressing against the wall of his chest.

“FIne, fine,” said Brian. “You know I think this is a stupid idea, right?”

“You’ve thought a lot of my ideas were stupid,” pointed out Dan.

“Yes, and they usually are.”

“Not always.”

There was another sigh.

“I’ll meet you at Starbucks in two hours,” said Brian.. 

“Gotcha,” said Dan, and then he hung up.

Dan sighed, and he looked at his phone.

He… he was going to have to call the surgeon, wasn’t he?

But he could at least figure out how he was going to say stuff to Suzy and Arin first, at least. 

* * *

“You realize,” Brian said, “that you could just tell them, right?”

They sat in the empty Starbucks, and Dan put his face in his hands.

“I mean,” said Dan, “I know that… logically, but, like… can’t I at least try to… soften the blow?”

“There’s not a way to really soften that blow,” said Brian, and he sounded like he was losing patience. “You’re about to tell your friends that, not only are you in love with them, but you are going to get rid of your own feelings. Which are feelings for them.”

“Is there a way to tell that?”

Dan’s voice broke, and then he was coughing - he was coughing hard enough that he was seeing colors behind his eyelids.

He gasped up a half-open rose, and he stared down at it in horror, then looked up at Brian. 

Brian’s expression was grim.

“Give me one good reason not to drag you to the emergency room right now?”

Brian’s voice was matter of fact.

“I’m gonna… I’m gonna go in. Right now. I think Suzy is in too, so I can tell both of them. And then I’ll go to the hospital, and they can operate, and then… then I can figure it out from there, okay?”

“Okay,” said Brian. “I’ll drive you to the office, okay?”

“Okay.”

* * *

How was he coughing up flowers already?

Full on flowers?

He vomited up his tea, and a spray of black-purple carnations, mixed in with roses, as pink and blowsy as something out of a Stephen King novel.

He left the flowers on the concrete by Brian’s car, and he staggered his way towards the Grump office. 

How had all of this happened so _fast_? 

It had taken almost no time at all.

Couldn’t they have… vacuumed his stomach again, or something?

He was shaking.

Dan knocked on Arin’s office door, and then he was looking into Arin’s face.

“Fuck, Dan, you look horrible. Why aren’t you at home?”

“I gotta… I gotta talk to you about something,” Dan said. “Is Suzy here too?”

“Yeah,” said Arin. “Why?”

“Can she… can she come in here too? I want to… I want to talk to you guys about something.”

“Right,” said Arin.

This all felt a bit too ominous - like a last will and testament reading, or something like that.

Dan sagged onto the couch, leaning back, and he tried to breathe.

It was remarkably hard to do so - his chest must have been full of a network of roots, stems, leaves, petals.

If he died here, right here, would the flowers keep growing?

Would he become some kind of grisly planter?

Maybe he was thinking too deeply about this.

But he kept his face covered, until he could smell Suzy’s perfume, and she was leaning against Arin’s desk.

“Could you close the door, please?”

“Of course,” said Arin.

The door closed with a click - there was an air of finality to it, that he didn’t like.

But… fuck it.

He had to tell them, before he… before he changed.

“I’m going to get the operation,” he told them, and fuck, he was listening to his own voice - when had he become so reedy?

“Oh,” said Suzy.

“If you think that’s the right idea,” said Arin, but he was frowning.

“I want to… I want to tell you, before I get the operation,” said Dan, and then he was coughing again, harder this time. 

More flowers spilled onto his lap, damp with spit and blood.

They were whole flowers now, no mistaking it. 

Some of them had the stems attached.

He looked into their faces, and he saw the mingled disgust and terror. 

Oh god. 

“I love you,” he told them - he _finally_ just said it. “I love you both. I… I love you a lot. I’ve been… I’ve been in love with you for… for a long time. And that’s why I’m like this. I’m sorry. I don’t… I didn’t do it on purpose, and I’ve tried to get better, to not love you anymore, but I still love you, I can’t… I can’t stop, but I’m going to get the surgery, but then I’m going to be different, and I needed to… I needed to tell you, so that you wouldn’t hate me.”

He was crying.

Huh.

Not just the crying that he usually had when he was throwing up, but actual crying.

His throat was a wreck, and his heart was beating so fast in his chest.

And then… he was being pulled upright, and Arin was holding him, his face in Arin’s neck, and Suzy was pressed against his back, and even now, as he was being held, as he admitted he was going to stop caring about them, he could feel the warmth of her breasts, the ticklishness of Arin’s beard against his face.

It was all a mess. 

“Dan,” Suzy said, and her voice was muffled, because she was speaking into his neck, “you don’t need to have the surgery.”

“... what?”

“We love you,” Arin said, and it was so… simple, but so powerful.

“I mean -”

“We do,” said Suzy. “We… we do. We don’t want to lose you, but if you….”

“If you feel the need to have the surgery, I would -’

“ _We_ would,” Suzy interjected. 

“We would,” Arin corrected, _we_ would understand.”

“Right,” said Dan, not understanding what they were saying.

So… they loved him?

What did that mean?

So….

And then there was pain.

The worst pain he’d ever felt in his life, and he doubled over, and he was… he was vomiting, and flowers were coming out of him, but not just the petals or the heads - he was vomiting the roots, the stems, the thorny rose vines, and it was… streaming out of him, and it was turning to ash as it left him, filling the air with a grey cloud.

But he could breathe again.

His throat was a bleeding mess, but his lungs were free, his stomach was free.

He couldn’t taste flowers anymore. 

He looked up at Suzy and Arin’s concerned faces, and he smiled.

And then he passed out. 

* * *

Dan woke up when a paramedic was taking his pulse.

He blinked up at the strange woman, who was shining a light in his eyes.

"Can you tell me what year it is?"

Her voice was very matter of fact.

He named the year.

"Do you know what happened?"

"Um," said Dan, and his voice was a wreck. 

He could taste blood, but... something was missing.

No rose petals.

No carnations.

Just... his own body, made of meat and bile and blood, with no plant matter whatsoever.

He smiled, a smile so wide that he felt it on his scalp.

And... Suzy and Arin were looking at him, worried. 

The air smelled like burnt flowers.

"I had hanahaki," said Dan. "And then I... stopped having it."

"Right," said the paramedic. "But we still need to take you to the hospital."

"Do you want us to come with you?" 

Arin was looking nervous.

So was Suzy.

"You don't have to," said Dan, and he cleared his throat again, then made a face as he tasted blood.

"You stay here," said Suzy, and she pressed a kiss to the corner of Arin's mouth, then reached out to take Dan's hand.

Dan... could breathe again, and he smiled.

"Okay," he said, his voice rough. 

"Okay?"

She looked nervous.

"Yeah," he said. "I'm... thanks."

"Of course," said Suzy.

And then Dan was... being put on a stretcher, and it was uncomfortable, but... god, he was tired.

He didn't know why he was so tired. 

What was wrong with his body?

He held on to Suzy's hand, and he let himself be carried off.

He'd have to apologize, at some point in the near future. 

But he could breathe again, without pain.

He hadn't even realized how bad it had been.

But it was gone now, and... everything was going to be alright.

* * *

Dan fell asleep again, in the ambulance, and Suzy kept holding his hand.

He was aware of her - was that part of the whole curse?

Forever knowing where the object of your affection was?

Or was he thinking about this too hard?

His heart was beating very loudly.

When he was back in the hospital, he was being wheeled in for a chest X-Ray.

"We don't usually have remnants," said the doctor, as she looked over her glasses at Dan, "but I still want to check."

"Right," Dan said. 

Suzy wasn't saying anything - just holding his hand.

He didn't want her to ever let go.

She looked... anxious.

He squeezed her fingers.

She gave him a tight smile. 

* * *

He was alone for his chest X-ray, although the tech was very nice about it. 

And then he was in a hospital bed, and he was leaning back into the pillows, letting his eyes sink shut.

He didn't have anything to worry about - Suzy and Arin loved him. 

He didn't ever have to worry about anything again. 

... well, no, he had to worry about plenty of things, but after having those flowers growing in his lungs? 

Who the fuck cared about anything else?

* * * 

Dan slept, and he woke up to Arin sitting next to him. 

"I didn't bring you any flowers," said Arin, and he looked... he looked nervous.

Suzy was gone.

"You have no idea how much I appreciate that," said Dan, and he licked his lips - he mouth still tasted like blood. 

Blood and vomit and ashes, but no flowers.

"So... you're in love with me and Suzy?"

Arin didn't seem to be in the mood to beat around the bush.

... fair enough.

"Yeah," said Dan, and he licked his lips. "I'm sorry. Although, uh, you guys obviously feel the same for me, since... it's all gone."

"If it had just been one of us, would you still have the hanahaki?"

"I guess so," said Dan. "It's... I'm really lucky, aren't I?"

He smiled at Arin, and Arin smiled back at him, a nervous expression.

... shit.

"Did I do something wrong?"

Dan's heart was beating very fast in his chest.

"Dude," said Arin, and he looked... he looked hurt.

Oh fuck.

"Yeah?"

"Dude, you... you've been in love with me," said Arin. "Actually in love with me. And you didn't tell me?"

"I mean... how was I going to tell you?"

Dan sat up a bit, resting his elbows on his skinny thighs.

"You told me pretty well, right before you threw up all those flowers."

"Well, yeah, because I felt like I had to."

Why was Arin getting mad?

Arin being mad was getting _Dan_ mad, and that was... unexpected. 

Dan wasn't used to just getting mad like this.

He was a fairly even tempered guy, most of the time. 

"But why didn't you feel like you had to sooner?"

"Because I was... you know, weirded out. Embarrassed."

"Is it that embarrassing to be in love with me?"

Now Arin looked hurt.

Oh, great.

Dan wanted to bury his face into his pillow, pull his hospital blanket over his head and just not deal with this bullshit for a little while.

"It's not... it's not that it's _you_ that I'm in love with -"

"So you weren't just spitting out pink rose petals?"

"Can you let me finish?"

Arin looked cowed.

"Sorry," said Arin. "I'm just... I'm having a fuckton of feelings."

"It's okay," said Dan, and it was, mostly. "But... like... I'm supposed to be a straight guy. And then I fell in love with you. I fell in love with my best friend, which is, like, the most cliche thing ever, and _then_ it turned out I was also in love with Suzy, which made it... weirder."

"What, that you're bisexual?"

"I dunno if I'm bisexual," Dan said quickly. "Maybe I'm just, y'know, straight... with an exception >"

"Out of all the exceptions in the world, why choose me?"

Arin looked genuinely baffled.

"Dude," said Dan, and he was just... gaping at Arin. "Are you kidding me? Have you ever looked at yourself?" 

"A bit too often," said Arin, making a face. 

"Are you fucking kidding me? Arin you're... god...."

"I'm not god," Arin said, and he looked a little unsteady. 

Dan gave Arin the finger.

Arin raised an eyebrow.

Dan blushed, wasn't sure why he was blushing, and pulled his blanket a little further up his body.

"Arin, you're like... the first guy I've ever been into. Like that. And I don't know how I feel about that, except I'm obviously okay with it, since I'm, you know, in love with you. But also, like... it's... it's scary. It's really scary. And I'll, like... I'll be honest. I think it's still sinking in."

"Still sinking in?"

"I'm... I'm not going to die of this," said Dan. "I'm not going to die of being in love with you."

"Oh," said Arin ."I hadn't... I hadn't thought of that."

"It's okay," said Dan. "It's not like you were doing it on purpose. Or I was doing it on purpose either, I guess."

"Still," said Arin.

"Still?"

"I dunno," said Arin, and he leaned back in his chair. "I haven't thought of all of the... implications. You know?"

"Not really, no," said Dan, and he rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed in spite of himself. "Sorry."

"Well, like... me and Suzy have been making vague noises about opening our marriage up, you know, but... now we're kinda... in a spot where that's what we're gonna do regardless, isn't it?"

"I... guess?"

"Since we both love you," said Arin, "and you love us, and what's the point of us... just denying that?"

Dan shrugged

"I don't... I don't know where we're going next," Dan said, and he meant it. "I mean, I'm kinda... nervous, but I haven't really had a chance to think about it."

"Think about it?"

"The implications of me being in love with two people. The implication of me being in love with two people, and one of them is a dude. The implication that both of them are my best friends. The whole... mess of it."

Arin nodded.

"I think I get you," he said slowly. 

"So I don't... I don't entirely know where I'm gonna go from here."

"Well," said Arin, "I'll be here if you need me."

"Right," said Dan. 

"Although," Arin said and he looked anxius, "you should, uh... you should probably talk to Suzy."

"You think?"

"Oh yeah," said Arin. "She's kind of... she's very much having a lot of feelings."

Arin looked uncomfortable.

"Are they... like, bad feelings?"

"Well, no," said Arin, "but I think they're between you and her."

"But... you know, it's the three of us now, right?"

Arin shrugged

"I think," he said carefully, "that it's mainly between you and me, and you and Suzy, and me and Suzy, and you and me and Suzy."

"That's... complicated," said Dan.

"This kinda shit usually is," said Arin and he sighed. "Do you need anything?"

"... could you get me some tea, please?"

"Of course" said Arin, and he squeezed Dan's fingers.

Dan sighed, leaning back into his pillows. 

His chest still hurt, his stomach still hurt - all of that growth hadn't been exactly... good for him, even if he was finally recovering from it, slowly.

But he was... he was getting there. 

He sighed again, and he took a deep breath, just to feel his diaphragm inflate and defalte. 

It was... wonderful.

A degree of wonderful that he hadn't realized he needed.

He was never going to take it for granted, ever again.

* * * 

Dan got out of the hospital the next day - Arin came and picked him up.

Dan perked up, but then he frowned.

"Where's Suzy?"

He stood up, getting out of the wheelchair and slowly making his way towards the car.

He was going to take a while to heal, apparently.

But he was going to heal - there wasn't a trace of any plant matter in his lungs anymore.

"She's busy," said Arin, and Dan could almost tell that it was a white lie.

But he wasn't going to push.

Was that part of being in love?

He'd been in love before, but never... like this.

What was it that brought the disease on?

Was it a specific type of love?

Was he overthinking this?

Possibly.

He sighed, and Arin shot him a worried look.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," said Dan. "Yeah, I'm... I'm fine."

"You'd tell me if something was the matter, right?"

"Oh, yeah, obviously," said Dan, as the two of them slowly walked towards the car.

"I mean, not so obviously," said Arin, and there was a... sharpness to his tone that Dan wasn't sure he liked.

"Hm?"

"You didn't exactly tell us when you were dying," Arin said. 

"I mean," said Dan, "you did find out eventually."

"Yeah, 'cause Brian told me," said Arin. "And you didn't really... tell me about the whole being in love with me thing."

"There wasn't an easy way to tell you that," said Dan, defensive.

"I know," said Arin, and he grimaced. "I'm sorry, I... I can't lie, I think I'm gonna be mad about that for a while."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"... sorry," said Dan, and he licked his lips. "I hope... I hope you don't hate me for it."

"I don't hate you," said Arin. "I just... well, like I said, it's gonna take some time."

"Of course," said Dan. "This shit always takes time, doesn't it?"

"Right."

"We're just doing it a little... differently than normal."

"In fairness," said Arin, and he looked faintly amused, "do we do anything normally?"

"We all do some things normally," said Dan. "We have to. If only because they'd be normal from us... doing them."

"Right."

There was an awkward silence.

God, Dan hated awkward silences.

He shifted in his seat, rubbing his hands together, trying to get comfortable, but… well, it wasn’t as easy as he had thought it would be. 

That was how it always seemed to be.

You declared you loved each other, you got on with loving each other, life went on, happily ever after.

It was never that simple, was it?

Why couldn’t it be as simple as that?

* * *

Arin dropped Dan off at home.

He helped Dan carry stuff in, and then he paused, looking anxious.

“I should, uh, I should get back. To Suzy, I mean.” 

“Right,” said Dan. “Love you.”

“Um. Right. Love… love you too,” said Arin.

He hugged Dan extra tight, and then he was off. 

Dan stood in his empty house, and... he didn’t feel better.

Why?

True, he wasn’t dying of flowers in his lungs, but… he was still sitting in his house by himself.

And okay, the people he loved loved him, but… now what?

Dan sighed, and then he picked his phone up and called Brian.

* * * 

“So the problem is that Arin and Suzy are mad at you?”

“Right,” sad Dan.

They had a whole spread of Chinese take out in front of them, and Brian had a beer.

It was his third beer.

He had shown up with a six pack of beer and demanded food.

Dan knew how to deal with that.

“Can you figure out why they’re mad at you?”

“Well,” said Dan, “I figure some of it is just… them being mad at me for not telling them in the first place.”

“That’s part of it, yeah,” said Brian.

He was wobbling a little bit from the beer. 

He ate another egg roll.

"And I guess... well, maybe they feel kind of pressured," said Dan, staring contemplatively up at the ceiling. 

"Yeah," said Brian, making vague "go on" hand movements as he took a swig of his beer. 

"I know if someone came up to me and said that they'd die or kind of lose our friendship forever if they didn't love me, I'd probably feel... pretty weird," said Dan, and more guilty was crashing down on him.

"That is, no doubt, part of it," said Brian. 

"And there's all the other stuff involved, too." 

"Hm?"

"Because... I feel like I'm just... intruding on their marriage," said Dan, and now all of his anxieties were just bubbling out of him, someone had just turned on a hose. "Because, like... because they're married to each other, and now they have to manage being in a relationship with me."

"I mean," said Brian, "in fairness, you already have a relationship with them."

"I mean, yeah," said Dan. "But not like... a relationship relationship."

"What kind of a relationship are you thinking about, when you say that?"

"Like... a romantic relationship. With kissing and... whatnot."

"Whatnot," Brian said, his tone deadpan.

"You know," said Dan, and his cheeks were turning red.

"Are you seriously telling me that you're embarrassed to say the word "sex"?"

"I mean, I'm not embarrassed to say it, it's just... it feels...."

Dan made a vague hand motion.

Brian raised an eyebrow.

Dan groaned, flopping back and covering his face with both hands. 

"It feels like I'm being weird, or disrespectful. But also, at the same time, like... what if I'm not straight? Or if I'm straight but, like, with an exception?"

"So?"

"What do you mean, so?"

"I mean," Brian said, "that you've got two wonderful people who love you - who you clearly love, if you were dealing with all of that magical nonsense, let alone the fact that you're now agonizing over it to the degree that you are."

"Well, yeah," said Dan. "But one of them is a dude."

"One of them is a dude who is also your best friend," said Brian.

"One of my best friends," Dan corrected.

"Hm?"

"You're one of my other best friends," said Dan. 

"Do I have to worry about you starting to grow flowers over me?"

Brian's voice was dry.

"I mean... I don't think so," said Dan. 

Brian snorted.

"You know," he told Dan, "for all that you're a pretty centered guy, you are the most emotionally clueless person I know."

"I can't be the most emotionally clueless person you know," Dan protested, but it was a weak protest.

Brian had a point.

"I think, at the end of the day, that you're overthinking this," Brian told Dan.

"Yeah?"

"Oh yeah," said Brian. "I think that you need to focus on what makes you happy. I think you need to apologize to Suzy and Arin, and then you need to work out a... plan from there."

"A plan?"

"Yeah," said Brian. "Are you going to have a romantic relationship? A sexual one? Are you going to live together?"

"Fuck, I hadn't even though of that."

Dan's expression went stricken.

"This is the kind of shit you need to talk about with them," said Brian, and his tone was almost gentle. "Dan, you're... you're kind of clueless, aren't you?"

"I kind of am," Dan admitted, and he sighed. "I hope you don't think less of me for it."

Brian shrugged.

"The only way to get less clueless is to learn shit," he told Dan. 

"Yeah," said Dan. "Yeah, you're right."

"I often am," Brian agreed.

Dan snorted. 

"Modest, too."

"Oh yes."

* * * 

Dan sent Brian home in an uber, then sat in his kitchen by himself, still surrounded by Chinese food.

He was going to have so many leftovers.

Oh well.

Maybe he'd invite Suzy and Arin over for some food - that was a friendly gesture, right?

Couldn't be read wrong?

... hopefully not.

God, he was bad at this. 

* * *

Dan went to work two days later, to Grump.

And Arin was happy to see him. 

Dan could tell - Arin's whole face lit up, and he smiled at Dan like the sun coming from behind the clouds.

"Hey dude," he said, and he hugged Dan tightly enough that Dan grunted.

Dan hugged him back.

"Hi," said Dan, suddenly shy.

Arin actually... kissed him on the cheek, a loud, smacking kiss, and Dan blushed, pleased in spite of himself. 

"Suzy is gonna be by the office later," said Arin. "You wanna get lunch with her?"

"Yeah," Dan said, and maybe he said it a little too quickly, but fuck it. He had nearly died. Why not be eager?

"Awesome," said Arin, and he smiled at Dan again.

He was practically _beaming_.

Dan couldn't really help but grin back.

"I'm sorry... stuff has been awkward," Dan said, when they were alone in the Grump room together.

"It's fine," said Arin. "I mean... it's a weird situation." 

"Yeah," said Dan. "Is... is Suzy still mad at me?"

"Suzy is getting over it," said Arin, and he patted Dan on the knee. "It mainly just takes time."

"I don't like her being mad at me," Dan said quietly. 

"I know," said Arin. "If it helps, I don't think she's really mad... _at_ you? Just in your general direction."

"What's the difference?"

"One of them is directly at you. The other one, you're just kind of in the way of it."

"How do I make it stop?"

"You don't."

"Ah well."

"You ready to get started?"

"Let's."

* * *

Dan Grumped.

Dan Grumped better than he had since he'd first started coughing up flower petals.

He laughed, he joked, he sang.

He went on a tangent about his parents.

It was just... nonstop talking, laughing, general joviality.

Until he smelled Arin's shampoo.

The same rose scent.

And then the bile began to climb up the back of his throat, and he excused himself really quickly to go throw up in the bathroom.

That was... that was incredibly unpleasant.

He could almost taste the roses on his breath again, and he was shaking.

Would it be weird to ask Arin to change shampoos?

Well, Dan was going to have to, because, well... if he was going to spend any time around Arin, he needed to not smell roses.

Goddamn it. 

Dan groaned, still on his knees, and then he washed his mouth out, and made his way back to the Grump room.

"You okay, dude?"

Arin was watching him like a hawk.

"This is super embarrassing," said Dan, rubbing his hands together, "but, uh... I can't... I can't deal with the smell of roses anymore. It just... it makes me super barfy."

And... to Dan's surprise, Arin laughed.

"You know, Suzy said something like that would happen. I didn't think it would be that much of a thing."

"I'm sorry," said Dan, and he meant it.

"It's fine, dude," said Arin. "She bought me new shampoo the other day. Got a new perfume, too."

And Dan's heart beat a little faster.

"She really thought about that?"

"She did," said Arin, and he grinned. "She's just... thoughtful like that. I was just being a dumbass, because I felt weird getting rid of 

"Yeah," said Dan, and he sighed. "Okay. Back to the episode?"

"Right. Back to the episode."

* * *

Suzy came to the Grump office.

She was sitting on the couch in Arin's office, when the two of them came in.

The place no longer smelled like the ashes of all those flowers, thank fuck.

She smiled at Dan, a little nervously, but her face still lit up.

When he opened his arms up, cautiously, she fell into them, snuggling up to him, her head under his chin.

And... she wasn't wearing that same perfume.

He heaved a sigh of relief - her shampoo smelled like green, growing things, her face in his neck.

"I was so worried about you, and her voice was ticklish against his skin.

"I know," he said. "I was an idiot."

"The biggest idiot."

"And I'll never do that again."

"I mean," said Suzy, pulling back and looking up at him, "if you've got someone else you're pining after -"

"Don't put it like that," said Dan. "I don't want to start spitting out evergreen needles."

"I thought it only worked with flowers," said Arin, and then he was wrapping his arms around Dan as well, his chin on Dan's shoulder.

"I once read a story where someone grew a magnolia out of their throat," said Suzy, her tone thoughtful. "It ended up being planted in the middle of a town."

"I mean," said Arin, "I feel like that's a bit... extreme."

"Because Dan coughing up thorny rose petals isn't?"

"The rose petals weren't thorny," Dan said.

It was weird, to be talking about it in past tense.

To be making _jokes_ about it.

"True," said Suzy. "So. Should we get food?"

"Yeah," said Dan. "Yeah, that's a good idea."

* * *

They went to a diner.

They went to a diner, and they sat together, knee to knee to knee, and it was... perfect.

Dan couldn't stop blushing, although he wasn't sure why.

"So," said Suzy, and she cleared her throat, her elbows on the table.

Her hair was tied back, and she wasn't wearing much makeup.

She looked as lovely as ever.

"So?"

Dan took a bite of his sandwich.

"I figured we might as well... have this conversation."

"Which conversation?"

"The conversation where we talk about what all of this... means."

"What do you mean?"

Dan was aware that he was playing clueless, but fuck it.

He needed to hear someone else say it.

He needed to not be the one who did all the figuring shit out, then blurting it out.

"Do you... that is, would you be interested in a... in a physical relationship with... with both of us?"

It was Arin who spoke that time, which was a surprise.

"Hm?"

"Like... okay," said Arin, and he was leaning forward enough that the front of his shirt was going to get into his chicken parm if he wasn't careful, "I... I really like you, and you really like me - we all love each other. But you're a straight dude - you like to go on about how you're such a straight dude, and now... now we're kind of in love with each other. But if you just... y'know, just want to be with Suzy, I dunno if I'm okay with it, but -"

"Arin," said Dan, and he took a slug of water, and then he took Arin's hand, and he took Suzy's hand. 

... it was a bit of a cheesy gesture, but what's the point of nearly suffocating on flowers growing in your lungs, if not to be kinda cheesy sometimes?

"Yeah?"

"I love both of you. No matter... no matter what that means. We'll figure it out. For now, I want to... to be with you. Physically, and emotionally, and... all of that shit."

“Yeah?”

“I kinda wanna kiss you right now,” Dan said, in a rush.

“Do it,” said Suzy, and she squeezed his fingers.

So… Dan leaned in, and... and he kissed Arin.

He kissed Arin on the mouth, and it was whiskery and dry, but… nice.

And then he was kissing Suzy, as she tugged him over, and that was soft and more familiar, but not, at the same time.

And he pulled back from the two of them, and he looked at them, his heart beating very fast.

“Are we going to be okay?”

“We’re going to be okay.” 

“... okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> Like this fic?
> 
> Want me to write you something like it, or something completely different?
> 
> Come talk to me on my tumblr, theseusinthemaze.tumblr.com!


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